Demetri Martin is not Fucking Funny

Sorry. This guy fucking sucks. There's not even anything funny about criticizing him. It's just sad.

22 Days 'til Coachella - The Gaslight Anthem

There's something about these guys that doesn't suck, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I mean, they're not bad, and in fact, I can picture them being a decent late afternoon Sahara tent band, or even an early afternoon Outdoor Stage surprise. They've got that poppy, power-punky brewster kinda thing going on, lots of jangling and good hooks. And I think they've got some sort of Irish-type feel as well, but it's hard to tell.

And they kind of sound like The Replacements. Which isn't all bad, but hmmm. The more I hear of them, the more they sound like The Replacements, which isn't all good. It's always weird to see which bands are being referenced, but these guys definitely sound like those guys. Their AMG page compares them to Springsteen, too, and I can see that as well. More the Born to Run shit than the great stuff from Ghost of Tom Joad, fair warning.

So yeah, not something I'd normally listen to, but they would probably be fun live, and I think the kids will like 'em. But since they're on Sunday, they've got the deck stacked against them as far as I'm concerned. I just can't see going out of my way to watch them unless it's very, very early, or they've got naked chicks passing out free beer.

29 Days 'til Coachella - Crystal Castles

So I'm not totally sure what to think of Crystal Castles, the electronic duo named after the 80's video game. Some of their stuff is pretty cool (Crimewave, Magic Spells), and some of really sucks trailer hitch (Love and Caring, xxzxcuzx me). Like when did AIM become the way to name songs? Aah, you kids today, you don't know music...

It definitely sounds like music from and/or inspired by the video game, or at least video games of that era. It's definitely better than those soundtracks out there to shitty movies that tell you it's got "music from and inspired by the movie" - those are almost always throwaway tracks by second-rate or sucky artists trying to get out of a contract. And then there would be like one good song from one of your favorite artists on there, so you had to tape that song and even then it never sounded as good as all the other stuff you had, so eventually you had to break down and buy it just for that one song...

This is why I love the Internet. If something sucks, fewer people pay for it.

30 Days 'til Coachella - Drop the Lime

I wanted so badly to write, "Don't drop the soap when you profess your love for Drop the Lime," but I just can't.

I have to say, it blends two genres I don't love, but I have a special place in my heart for. <--- oooh I ended a sentence with a preposition, somebody SPANK ME!

I'm bad.

OK, so the two genres it blends are R&B and old school breaks. It does the latter with a bit of a jungle feel, and the former feels a little phoned in, but I still can't trash these guys. I think they're worth checking out if you're a junglist.

"A junglist will jack ya." - RJ

"Yeah, well the trancers have stolen more than any other group!" -Trae Ann

"TRANCERS?!?! What the fuck?!?" - ix, RJ, Matty

34 Days 'til Coachella - Late of the Pier

I don't know from under what freak rock / pier these freak rockers crawled, but as far as I'm concerned, don't ask, don't care.

Let this be a lesson to all your font-point-spotters who only look for the big names in the large point type: I've never heard of these guys, don't know a thing about them, don't know where they're from, and have never heard their music before tonight.

They fucking rock.
They take electronic music and make it the math rock crazy shit it can be.

And why shouldn't it be? After all, if there was no math, there would be no electronic music.

They sound like Scissor Sisters stuck their genitalia in an electric socket. And I mean that in the best possible way.

38 Days 'til Coachella - Band of Horses / Cloud Cult

I've heard a lot about Band of Horses. I heard I'd probably like them. So tonight, I decided to check them out.

Hard to compare them to anything, I'd say they remind me more of Sunny Day Real Estate than anything, though much less emo. This is not necessarily a bad thing, though the reason I love SDRE is that they're so absolutely pouring of emotion, you can't help but get swept up in what they're doing.

Band of Horses takes a slightly different approach, and in a different time, they might be called simply pop or something else.

However, I have to say that I'm a little disconcerted by them being part of the, "Oh I've heard their stuff on the Brand X commercial!!" bandwagon. I mean, it's ok, but at the same time, this is the second band I know of that's contributed to some pretty major commercials this year (the other one being Cloud Cult for the eSurance commercial).

Now, I have to admit that Justice did sell out to Cadillac, but let's face it, Cadillac's use of Let There Be Light was just absolute genius. Ford's use of BoH's The Funeral wasn't quite as visceral or successful, but it was still pretty effective.

But I'll reserve judgment on Cloud Cult until I hear more than the song for the animated car insurance commercial. I consider this a favor to them. I mean, come on, neither of the aforementioned commercials had to print "Music By" on the screen.

Then again, if it wasn't for that visual on the eSurance commercial, I never would have known it was them. Then again, after listening to them on youtube, I can say they get points for the electronic stuff and the live cello. I really want to hate them but the more I hear of Happy Hippo the more I really want to like them. Jury's out. I just hope they don't talk as much as they did on that live clip from YouTube. It was like a 5 1/2 minute clip and the song was like two minutes long. Hey, I'm open-minded, if you can shut the fuck up long enough to sing a good song you might actually get a nod.

Ut oh, spoke too soon. Now listening to Chemicals Collide on YouTube and it kinda sucks. Not as much as their incessant talking, but more so than Mexican radio. But then the stuff that sucks more than Mexican radio could fill a spectrum of bandwidth taller than Johnny Socko's Giant Fucking Robot.



I am blathering like an idiot, so I'll just say that Band of Horses could be worth checking out, especially if you have one of those special passes that let you drive around the polo field in a Ford Edge.

73 Days 'til Coachella - Mastodon

Hey METULHEDZZ!!

Are you fuckin' pissed off that Tool, RATM and other meathead headbanger bands aren't listed for this year's Coachella?

Well, fear fucking not motherfuckers! Yeah, fuck yeah!! Mastodon is here to appease you and to lower the collective IQ of the entire festival!

OK, and now, a drink recipe from my high school days, the better to rot your brain with this drivel with:

HORSEPISSER

2 oz. Canadian Club whiskey
Mountain Dew

1. Fill a glass with ice
2. Add whiskey
3. Add Mountain Dew
4. Enjoy!